went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize