sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
