carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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