we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
