There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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