take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
This beer is not sobering me up at all
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
