Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
It's rum buckets o'clock
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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