too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
