My first STD was from a foam party
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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