so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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