I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
