i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
