brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
