Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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