Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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