i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
