she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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