I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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