Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
