can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
