Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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