I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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