Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
