You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
