I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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