Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
you have to choose: penises or morals?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
