I heard we made out
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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