If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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