i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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