I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
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