Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Nicole vs. Life
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
