i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
