you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
