She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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