i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
