I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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