Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
she told me i tasted like america
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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