the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
