Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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