Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
