I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
