I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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