I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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