Why are handjobs necessary in class?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
