Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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