I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
