Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
i believe in u and ur pee
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