just tell him i said nine months
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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