nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
