did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
