The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
