I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
