I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize