I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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