Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
