Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
