Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
