i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
