Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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