u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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