Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Did I show you my penis last night?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
