Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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