My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
he was CRYING into my vagina
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
