You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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