I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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