he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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