We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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