Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize