i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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