im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
