the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
