curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
