when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Randomize
